The Monkey Box

Have a video.

Never miss a shot.mp4

Vox Hunt: Have This, Will Travel

Show us something you cannot leave home without.
Submitted by Quornflour.

Photo 5

My internets make you hot.

Today I have realised that I work with some of the craziest people in the world, not only directly but indirectly.  I could write about it in full but I can't because it's hysterical and it took me about 30 minutes to fully recover from the comedic results of the tale.

Also, a rather amusing mailbox was sent around to ops on duty about leaving "floaters" in the ladies loos.  Not exactly the kind of thing you need to be reading whilst on the phone to somebody in a breakdown situation.

As a call centre employee, the inherent problem...

.. I have, is when picking up my own phone I tend to slip back in to that work mode, occasionally I catch myself, othertimes not so lucky.  Like just now, David's line rings and I pick up, the call follows this routine:

M = Me
C = Caller

M: Good afternoon, Kevin speaking how can I help?
C: Uh, is David there?
M: I'm afraid he's away from his desk at the minute, can I take a message? (I seriously said this).
C: Yes, if you could, could you tell him A N Other called?
M: Certainly, what is your number there?
C: 07777
M: 0..7..7..7..7...
C: 777
M: 7..7..7
C: 777
M: 7..7..7..
M: I'll pass that across to him, thank you for calling.
C: bye
M: Good bye.

Obviously this kind of activity in the home makes me want to cry, but instead I shall be eating pie (they rhyme!)

Oh and also, new thing at work, I've got a rather amusing girl across from me, occasionally (I say occasionally, but I mean frequently)  comes out with some rather funny stuff.  So I'm bringing in a new notepad which will be left on my desk to be filled in occasionally.  Then if there is enough good material in it, I might start a blogspot or something.

Audi After sales

You'd think when investing (and I use the term loosely) in an Audi of some description, that the aftersales would be just short of sending teenage hookers to your home to service you whilst your car is getting, well, serviced.

Obviously this is not the case.  Having left a number of messages and waiting about 3 hours of my precious life waiting for these people to stop mashing down the doughnuts and start mashing the telephone numbers to connect to my telephone unit at work, I started to lose the will to live.

It's like, seriously, you burn stupid amounts of money on a ford focus in disguise (while it shouts VER BOTEN DAS TEKNIK [or whatever]) and they can't really be too bothered with those pesky customer types.  It turns out my work was in vain and I've had to start making further arrangements with an alternate Audi dealer, which of course started off in the same manner as the previous one.  It's also worth mentioning it's a bit time sensative, so no doubt this might turn in to a "and hilarity ensued" entry by tomorrow afternoon.

UK: Eurovision Result

Scooch210x130

Hello Helsinki, London calling.   Your Eurovision entry from the United Kingdom is Scooch!

UK: Eurovision Vote

The UK this evening is voting for our Eurovision song with entries from: BIG BROVAZ, CYNDI, BRIAN HARVEY, HAWKINS & BROWN, LIZ McCLARNON and SCOOCH.

I will send across the live vote details when the results programme is shown later this evening on BBC One (9:30 GMT).

YOUR INTERNETS CONFUSE ME!

4455normal_Internet-SeriousBusiness

I bet you people have missed your internet superstar this week and if you're of the small minority who haven't your ass is straight off my christmas card list and right on my "run down in the street and make dead" list.

Anyways, here is my reasoning for this god for saken bag of shit post, because we all know if I'm not having a Tyra Tirade I'm usually coming out with the blogorrhea.  Here is just a rather brief summary of what I've been up to this week:

I've obtained employment on a permanent basis, which is a rather odd turn of events really, but hey ho!  I'm now working for a fleet management company who will not be named as I know they've got the Google and will probably reconsider my employment after reading six lines of my anti-human xenophobia (somebody might want to correct me here, but I can't seem to think of what you call it when you have an un-natural hatred of an entire species).

So far I've been in training, but I can tell you it's still scaring the living shit out of me.  Not only is it the usual twist that the universe likes making my first phone call at any organisation the worst that there is on offer, but it's that the internets is banned, mobiles are the banned and more frighteningly, that there is a wee-wee rota*.

But I guess after a while of getting with it, all in the universe will settle and I'll be enjoying it bo' selecta style.

OH AND BEFORE I GO, just to give you some insider secrets and such, there is a photographic system that they employ.  I was going through it randomly, poking my nose where it don't belong only to find this, rather amusing, van with a few comedic stories.  I, of course will get sued and sacked hardcore if I were to mention them, but just imagine you're a garage and picture the glee that you'd have when the below comes rolling through your doors:

Innocentsmoothie

Obviously I googled this photo, I'm not into that corporate espionage crap.  I prefer my mob connections over my book cooking fuck you very much.

Spin-my-Blog Post

How very annoying, it turns out there is a time when it's on Fox(?) spinlog(?) things. So let's make this quick, this is just a short of secondary test ___ & you should enjoy it. Love it, love it good.

Voice-to-Screen messaging - powered by SpinVox

Spin-my-Blog Post

Hello, this is just a test of the Vox thing, etc. Doug. Thank you.

Voice-to-Screen messaging - powered by SpinVox