The Monkey Box

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Who ate all the pies

As you can clearly tell by the time stamp this is a sunday.  We like sundays because basically you can't do anything with them shops are closed and generally even the terrorists wait until a Monday to blow up trains (as if the train companies actually needed help!).

So to find myself working a Sunday is not normally too much of an issue. Except for today.  So far it's been non-stop action on the phones and it's been rather mentalistic, not only that I've been stealing any foodstuff I can find and eating like a tramp, because I'm starvin marvin (which isn't a bad thing really).

But I'm here to elect my VIP* of the day:
"My Wing Mirror is dangling off"
(takes details)
All you'll need to do is drop this off to your local Ford dealer and they'll give us a call for authority and be able to sort that out.
"I can't, I work nights, I want somebody to come to me"
Unfortunately I have no way of doing that, there is no provision for a mobile service, I can speak with a bodyshop and see if they will be able to do something, but again it will be within working hours as there is no evening service.
"Well I work nights"
As I've explained I'll try and get something sorted out for you, it will need to wait until tomorrow when the garages reopen but it may come down to you needing to go some where during the day.
"(I stopped listening at this point)"
Thanks for calling Europcar *click*.

I really don't have time for people like that, I can do what I can but at the end of the day you'll need to at some point wipe your own ass because I ain't doing it.

 == UPDATE ==

Just had a close runner up for the VIP* award:
"Broken down, not starting"
Reg?
"Blah blah"
Milage?
"I can't see it."
Is there any way to get it for me as we need the current milage I'm afraid.
"Can't get it"
Any particular reason?
"Digital display"
That's fine, Where abouts is the vehicle so we can get it attended?
"Home"
Which will be....
"51 Road Avenue"
Which is in...
"Roadsville"
.....

Because obviously I'm psychic I can see in your car notice that it's a digital display and where you're sat at the moment.  Eejiot.

*VIP = Very (Self)Important Pillock.

Through the power of greyskull.

So here I am again emailing updates to my blog from the toilet. It's so wrong but at the same time so right, it's quiet and has the sounds of water features like most decent spas.

Today i've been finding it difficult getting going and i've just lagged from the moment i got up which isn't good really. What also isn't good is the amount of food i've consumed in full today, i just feel fat. And not just fat proper hey fatty boom boom, fat.

But in contrast to how it was yesterday at least the system has been on form today and we've successfully have made it to mid afternoon with only one fault. So we can rejoice in that i guess.

I'd also like to point out that i have a mere 5 minutes left on lunch so i can't really post any further, but as i've got an active ssh session to sdf i may write some more in a bit!

New and exciting levels of retardation.

I quite like my job, but this week has been a test of my patience. Today is either the final test or at least the midway point to a complete breakdown.

Having been gone no less than 16 hours from a four day long non-stop working stint i'm back in for a full day of sunday halarity. So far it's been one exciting level of human retardation after another. Don't get me wrong but i like helping people out otherwise i'd not be working in a customer service job, but lord are these people utter pillocks.

I've had one man sparking off about his car not working and the battery being dead, but he then told me he's spent the last TWO MONTHS jump starting it and he went to get a new battery friday that would have fixed the problem but the kwik fit he went to said we wouldn't authorise it (without calling up first). He then went on to say that he couldn't be bothered to call us or argue and left. Sorry mate, driver error.

The next highlight was one chap without any form of brakes on his car, as amusingly dangerous this happens to be he said "well i drove it back to the depot i figured 50 mile an hour on a clear motorway would be fine". I took joy in reminding him what happens if you smack in to something at that speed.

Then there was "i know better man", i know what i do myself and i have some knowledge to work from but by no means do i know it all. But everytime i get one of these jerks i seem to know better than them. He called in with one light dimmer than the other on the headlamps. I advised this sounds like an electrical issue with the vehicle and that the company would not have put two different bulbs in, he confirmed it was the exact same bulb, but said in the usual condescending tone "well i'd like to disagree as when he was testing a bulb he left a small piece of plastic foam on it and it lit fire" i enquired "did that bulb go in your car?" he advised "no" chalk another one up on the moron board.

And now the odd call - "i've injured myself and can't drive, nothing to do with the car but can my friend drive it?", i didn't dare ask what he did, but what ever it was he must have done a spectacular job, i told him as long as they've got insurance to drive it under their policy on minimum third party only then it's fine. They checked the policy wording and confirmed and off they went.

Now I wait, patiently for another heap to present itself on my line. The only redemption i get is knowing somebody has to say us 5p a minute to hear my voice.

Winter

I took these a couple days ago.

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